Let There Be Light | JaCee
I'm definitely a people pleaser, wanting everyone to like who I am. I used to find my identity and self-worth in the relationships that I had in my life. I thrived off of people wanting me, of them accepting me. I'm not the most outgoing person, so when someone noticed me, I kind of latched onto that. I would place these relationships and people on a pedestal, elevating them to a place in my heart they were never meant to fill. The thing about people I knew in my head, but didn't want to accept as truth in my heart, was that they couldn't truly fulfill everything I was looking for in a relationship. They weren't God. By finding my worth in these relationships, I guaranteed myself hurt feelings, disappointment, and unfortunately a broken heart. The sting of rejection cut deep, and I longed for someone to fill that empty spot in my heart that just kept reoccurring.
When one of my "most important" relationships was stripped away, I was very much broken and lonely. I turned to God asking Him why this had to hurt so bad; I mean, I understood that people weren't perfect, but how could I feel so broken when I knew God? If God was my Healer, my Joy, my Peace, how come I didn't feel any of that? It was in this darkness He spoke to my heart, making me realize just how much I turned to other people to fulfill me instead of seeking Jesus to do that. The Lord couldn't be any of those things in my life if I didn't place Him first and allow Him to be.
The more time I spent with the Father, I found that He pieced my heart back together and kind of whispered that this wasn't the life He had planned for me; that I didn't have to feel broken and alone when relationships failed because who I was as a person was defined in Him. My worth wasn't found in how much other people wanted me or how much they liked me. He showed me that relationships are a great thing, when we have them ordered in the right place. Only God could fill that spot in my heart where I was putting other people; like a puzzle piece that I could never get to fit quite right. I no longer had to chase after finding the perfect friend or the perfect love story with a guy because God gave me all of that and eternity with Him when He sent His son to die on the cross for me. Rejection didn't have the sting it used to, and I wasn't as disappointed in others because I understood in my heart that no human could truly satisfy my every need anyways. Christ brought me into the light and my heart finally believed that I was fully loved, accepted, wanted, and cherished, just the way I am; but this time, by our Heavenly Father, the greatest relationship I'll ever have in this life and the next.